Biggie Smalls the Miniature Dachshund is small. Not quite small enough though.
Despite his diminutuve stature is rather heavy when carried for more than 5 minutes. Sneaking him into places is sometimes a challenge I relish when feeling a bit scratchy and tetchy, but for the most part being ‘banned’ from carrying Biggie for 5 minutes just so I can shoplift is annoying and pointless.
I’ve long hankered for teeny tiny miniature pets, animals no taller than one of those assorted cereal boxes (where nobody chooses the shredded wheat but yet they put 2 of those in). It must surely be possible with genetic engineering? it would be my best thing ever, even better than my hand carrots or my handbags. Can you imagine how marvellous a 3″ zebra, a 5″ giraffe, or little tiny hippos and elephants would be. You’d have a reason to enter the seedy underworld of the model railway store to purchase creative tiny installations to decorate their landscape for their amusement. You could also pack them into a small carry case and take them into Waitrose without risk of tiny head popping out and barking at the shelf-stacker to give the game away.
Anyway, just for now I wish that Biggie Smalls was just a bit smaller – and didn’t bark at men with beards or hats.